Vietnam

14/03/2026

Following what seemed like an eternity, the rain finally stopped, and the sun broke through. I had been wanting to go to the main shopping centre of Lotte Mart for days, and now was the time to do it.

Arriving by grab bike, I was immediately blown away by the car park. I mean can you imagine. You walk back into the car park with your 15 bags of groceries and then have to remember which one is your bike.

Time to head inside. This place is 5 floors with food places on each floor. It's undeniable how much Vietnamese like to eat food and drink coffee. It's quite bizzare, and they do this at any time of the day. Nothing like doing your grocery shopping and sitting down for a good feed of Korean I guess. This place had at least 4 of them.

On the 3rd floor I walked past a foreigner carrying a camping mattress. "Where did you get that?" I asked. Pointing, he said "over that way somewhere". I was so excited I exclaimed "You're a champion!" and he just laughed.

The bed turned out to be a yoga mat, which that night would provide some appreciated comfort to my hips. Aside from tourist hotels, mattresses here are nothing but a piece of foam and are notoriously hard. Apparently this gets even worse away from the cities in guest houses. Oh yeah, can;t wait for that!

I spent a fair bit of time in the supermarket, looking at what was on offer. They had most things, except chocolate, biscuits, and chips. They just don't seem to eat this type of thing here, and if you can find it, then it's tourist expensive.

The supermarket had dairy, but no cheeses, and absolutely no lamb or mutton. The wines were limited in selection and where all from France. Warm beer is the common choice of drink here (pass) and runs at around $AUD1 a can. There is none of the licensing and restricted venue rubbish that exists in Australia.

Walking around I started wondering who are all these people?? They can't all be tourist, and yes, there were some western faces, but not many. Are they locals?

Google told me this was an average middle class suburb, not known for its wealth. It said they were ordinary people of DaNang doing their daily shopping. Yet to me, these people all seemed very affluent, and it left me thinking maybe Vietnam simply isn't what I thought. Maybe the west is still drowning in propaganda.

It was my expectation that once I got into the suburbs of DaNang, I would be looking at shanties and shitville, but it's been anything but. This area looks no different from a modern Australian suburb. If this is the real Vietnam, then the only place the west is going is here!

To get home, I ordered my favourite, and a guy sitting on a bike 2m in front of me responded. He had the biggest scooter I have seen in Vietnam so far. It was a nice looking scooter too. Sort of a cross between a sports bike and a scooter. I jumped on with my mat in hand and he took off. Man, this guy thought he was Valentino Rossi... and I was fuckin loving it!

Full power off the lights and then hard on the brakes. I'm even thinking he will have his knee down next corner. The grab bike to the Lotte Mart had taken about 15 minutes, and this bloke had me back in 7! When we stopped, I got off, pulled out my phone and started tapping into Google translator. He rolled his eyes saying "what, what!". I showed him what I typed and it said "I love your bike". He smiled with a wink, shook my hand and took off like he was on the starting line of a GP.

Which brings me to helmets. The grab to the Mart gave me a helmet but it was size M and didn't fit all. Meaning I ended up carrying the helmet instead of wearing it. The whole trip I was telling myself, she'll be right. But what if it wasn't right? I'm wearing shorts and a polo shirt, so my body will be messed up anyway if we crash.

It was an interesting ponder as we rode along. Is it better to be safety conscious and be safe in a crash, or is it better to feel the freedom and the mindset fuck all matters with the risk that your body parts may end up all over the road?

I think this is why I just love the grab so much. It's just so liberating!! There are no rules on the motorbike in Vietnam, and the risk is your decision, it's yours to own, not some nanny state Govt telling you what and how you will behave. Oh, and BTW if you don't follow the rules that we made up through boredom, then we will fine the fuck out of you until you do.

At the Mart they also had an extensive selection of helmets, and it occured to me maybe I should buy my own. If I travel like this often, maybe my own helmet would be a good investment? But then I would also have the inconvenience of having to carry it around... and I really have made a big effort to travel light as possible for convenience.

Having a look at the helmets, a bigger dilemma became the quality of helmet, In Australia we would call these bicycle helmets, not motorcycle helmets. Most of them are just thin plastic with a bit of foam inside. Although better than nothing I guess, but not much better than the helmets most grabs provide.

15/03/2026

When I was with Jo from Tinder, she reminded me how good Smiths chips and Cadbury chocolate tasted. I've had a craving ever since.

Tinder has been going well. I had another two matches, one with "V" and one with Tiffany. The name Tiffany makes me laugh every time I say it because I keep think that's Gus's favourite masseuse.

I asked them both to grab a coffee, but Tifany never responded, and around dinner time I received a message from V. "Tell me something about yourself?" Hhhmmm I thought. I responded "I believe the world would be a better place if the condom was not invented. Your turn".

Intending to have an early night with my now more comfortable bed, all hell started booming from the street. WTF is that? It is so loud. Vietnamese jibba jabba and then music and then more jibba jabba. It sounded like a wedding was happening under my window.

I went down stairs and some other people from our apartment had also showed up. The noise was coming from a big kick ass speaker sitting in the middle of the street. A German guy was yelling something but it was so loud I could hardly hear him. I put my ear near his mouth and nearly blew my ear drum out, yelling "it's so annoying!" Fuck, yeah it's annoying, but now I'm deaf in the left ear you idiot!

This idiot then decided "das ist inakzeptabel!!" (this is unacceptable!!) and decided to turn it down, but when he got close to the speaker, two guys came out of nowhere guarding it. He just kept walking past the speaker and up the street without even turning around. We all watched and laughed.

The boom box went on for hours and I decided to go shopping for chocolate and chips to watch North Melbourne's first AFL game tomorrow. No one was sleeping with that PA going!

Turns out, the National elections are today where 78Million people are voting for the 500 members of parliment, including the Prime Minister and President of the Communist Party of Vietnam, and this was some guy telling the people "vote for me!".

Shopping, I found chocolate, but at $AUD4.50 for 135g I'm not buying that. No wonder Vietnamese don't eat the stuff. Desperate for some chocky I found a big box of chocky biscuits for simular money, but alas I was scammed. It contained only 12 biscuits. This country has no idea about munchies. Needing a fix, I resorted to my worst old habit of all... KFC. And despite my mate Tony telling me to stay away from KFC, this was the best tasting kafa I have had in years.

Tinders V turn came in the morning. She was a good looking sexy white expat. When I woke and looked at the phone, I was now blocked from any further contact with her. My God, white women are a joke! In her profile she stated she enjoyed interesting and interlectial conversation, but when I presented one, she declares me unfit for purpose.

In the morning I found a quiet spot in a cafe and setup to watch the football on Kayo. Of course it doesn't work. Kayo has decided I'm not in Australia which is against it's user policy and licensing. As much as I miss things (like fresh air) about Australia, I am also constantly reminded how the place is a complete shit hole with it's rules and regulations and total bullshit. (Although I do admit, I'm very glad Albo doesn't pump out some shit at deafening levels on a big speaker left in the middle of the street.)

Vietnam is refreshing from living in a dictatorship where everything is controlled. The big joke which becomes more obvious all the time, is this is a Communist country where we in the west have been taught there are rules galore. But in reality there are no laws and even to date I have only seen one poliecman. Try walking around an Australian city and not seeing a policeman!

A classic I can observe is there are buildings being built around me with no rules at all. There are a lot of building works going on in DaNang and it's amazing to watch. Most workers wear sandals at best and would tell you a hard hat is what you wear on a motorcycle.

The most amazing part of watching construction here, is they use basic tools and a stick welder. And it's not like Australia with a big fence and no public allowed. Anyone can walk on site, although I didn't want to get in the way. Besides, they would probably get me to hold something.

Yet each day significant progress made. And it's not shit work either. I watch them poor a concrete basement in 2 days of constant rain with a very dry looking mix, However, with the rain it must have been just right because it looks really good now.

Lucky I'm a computer guru Kayo, so stick that up your ass. I was happy that I got to watch Norths opening AFL game today because by some miracle, they won!

In the evening Helen had sent me a txt "Ffs ....get into the Vietnamese food....its delicious and healthy ...green is good lol". It's satisfying knowing people are reading my blog and getting something out of it.

Well, I have been eating Vietnamese food, I'm just cautious and haven't found anything thats blown my socks of yet. After my Gallblader operation my stomach has become "sensitive" and finding a toilet here in a hurry can be challenging.

However, I promised her I would have a bahn mi for dinner and found a place called Banh Mi 365. It was about 100m away from the appartment. For $VND49000 ($AUD2.60) I had the special. I told her I want the special because I'm special, but she didn't get it. The roll was very special, 10/10 and I will definitely be back.

16/03/2026

Following the German destroying my left ear, I decided to get them cleaned. It's hard for a white male to enquire at any spa without getting hassled. It's not a full on pushy sales pitch, but it is one that takes firm resistance.

There are essentially 3 types of massage you can have here:
Thia - Simular to a remedial massage, deep and painful
Aroma - Relaxing with more long strokes
Nuru - body on body

If you want nuru and/or happy ending, their are two signs to look for:
1. Men will be the only ones publicly selling you this service. I think this must be a cultural thing where it's simply not appropriate for females to openly communicate publicly about the sexual needs of a male.
2. Any "VIP" spa or massage place will offer this type of service and more. If you want to take it further most will also offer to "blow the trumpet" (oral) or have "boom boom" (intercourse).

Just before I had left Australia, I began having issues with my water works. On a plane back from Hervey Bay my need to go to the toilet became such an embarrassing issue that seeing the doctor at home was unavoidable. It was one of those things where you knew no matter how much you denied it, something wasn't right. This problem took up a substantial amount of time before leaving, but I needed to get it sorted. I kept reminding myself that I couldn't be on a plane and have that happen again, let alone be in a foreign country and have the need to piss take over with a toilet nowhere. That said, I have already done what many men here do and just piss in the street.

The findings from tests etc was a mildly enlarged prostrate, and the fix was simply a pill of Tamsulosin and Dutasteride. This has certainly stopped the issue, but a side effect has been to significantly increased my libido... significantly.

However, I've been burnt in the past and I'm staying well clear of all the paid sexual stuff. I've learnt it's always fun at the beginning but never leads anywhere good in the end. And at the end, you really want someone to like you because of you, not your wallet. It's a common mistake many expats make and one that is all over the Internet.

In my attempt to find an ear cleaning service I was persuaded to have an Aromatherapy massage. A quick Google and with 700 reviews suggesting this place was proper, I went inside.

The usual procedure in these places is you sit down, select or negotiate the price VND$400000 ($AUD21), and then go into the room. My masseuse came out and asked me to follow her. Like before, my mind found it hard to comprehend how such a small woman can massage such a big foreigner. But what I've since learnt is the smaller, the better as they can literally climb all over you like a monkey and they are very adapt at using all of their body to put enough force into their massage. I also noticed she was wearing fuck all, but I later realised that is so she can manoeuver.

She put some shorts on the massage table and asked me to change. The shorts were way too tight, but I managed to get them on. I lay on my stomach, but when she returned she wanted me on my back. Unusual I thought but ok. She started with washing my feet and then worked her way up my legs pressing around my groin. She then sat on my groin rubbing my chest. Are you serious... we are a pair of tight shorts away from having sex.

I could so easily touched her, and found myself growing, embarrassed and feeling like a 14 yo schoolboy. This was supposed to a legitimate massage and I tried hard to think of fun jobs such as working under the seeders, or being run over by a bagger. But It was situation hopeless, even though I continued in vain to prevent myself from showing any excitement.

Unlike the previous (Thia) massage, this massage was enjoyable and it was weird feeling with her tiny and somewhat cold body crawling all over me. Her hands were small like a child, and it was relaxing not painfully at all with me falling asleep several times.

After the massage and feeling really good I continued my hunt for an ear cleaner. Approached several times by men asking "you want boom boom?", I came to a spa where a young girl told me "we have" and I went inside. Same process, sit down, agree on price and then go into the room $VND150000 ($AUD8).

In the room, a lady came in and made me lie down with my ear at about 50 degrees to the table. She then put on a headlamp and magnifying glasses. "Jesus" I exclaimed. She laughed and asked "Are you ok?"

She started by removing my ear hair, and made several comments. I reached for the phone and tried to turn Google translator on, but had left it on flight mode from the massage, and it was too hard to deal with while she was in my ear.

What started as an ok experience soon turned uncomfortable one as she went deeper. Finished with one ear, she showed me a tray of ear wax and I could tell by her gestures she was in shock at how dirty. I rolled over and she started on the other ear. Only this time, each time she removed some wax she put it in front of my face and showed me. "I don't want to see that!" I retorted, to which she responded "No eng-lee". I laughed. She kept doing it and each time I would respond "stop showing me that!" and each time she would just laugh.

When I left the room (as with the massage) I was asked to sit down and they gave me lemon tea. This tea was awesome and it has become now become a pursuit to reduce my coffee intake with lemon tea. I have also started having pineapple juice instead of coffee in the afternoons. It's always blended fresh from a raw pinapple and the sweatiness is divine. At first I thought maybe it's the sugar in the pineapple, but the sweatiness is something I have found missing in the food here.

As I sat drinking my tea, an American tipped the masseuse. Infuriated, I said to him "you shouldn't tip". He looked at me with a fuck off look and asked "why?". "Because it drives the price up. You came here because it's cheap didn't you? And you tipping just sets an expectation and makes it more expensive for everyone. That's why places like Bali have become too expensive". "Good point" he said.

We started talking and he was heading back to the USA tonight. He said the Govt had unofficially stated all US citizens should return home while the conflict continues. He was form Chicago and said most of his mates had already left and it was hard to get flights. I asked him what "unofficial" ment and he said Trump doesn't endorse such travel advice, telling everyone it will be over next week, but everyone knows that's a lie"

I asked him what he thought of Trump and he said "Trump thinks the people are stupid and he shouldn't be President. He only received 30% of the vote and he is destroying the country".

Walking around it was hard to find a cafe that served lemon tea. Then I walked into a cafe with two blokes sitting out the front. "How's it going mate?" one asked. They looked European but they were clearly Aussie. You can always pick an Aussie. They are dressed less formally, a bit more scruffy, and are rarely in shape. I am the perfect example of your typical Aussie.

Inside I showed them a picture of the tea I wanted called "tra chanh nong". They didn't have but out of nowhere I heard a voice "I can make for you". I turned around to find myself looking at an absolute Goddess. A real one! Am I just being delusional because I had a somewhat arousing massage or is this woman the prettiest women I have ever laid eyes on? She had straight hair down to her bum and was completely mind blowing. Oh my God, where were you when I was 25? Taking a hold, I told myself "she's 25 and your a overweight 57 you idiot. Get a grip of yourself!"

But at that moment, disaster struck. My plan was to have a lemon tea and then dinner at my favourite grilled restaurant, but I suddenly felt dizzy. I actually feel faint. Am I going to collapse? My head spun and I looked at her again where she had become all crystallised. My eyes were going funny and I couldn't focus. This can't be her fault, but regardless I had to leave now. I had to get back to my room before this became an ambulance situation. I said sorry I have to go. I will be back and walked out. I'm sure I left her and them all wondering WTF just happened!

As I walked back to the hotel, I found my eyesight scrolling all over the place and I started stumbling, struggling to even walk straight. WTF is going on! Have I been drugged? Was this the massage or has the ear clean messed me up? I was feeling great and then snap, now I can hardly walk.

Once back in my room I swallowed two Panadol and fell asleep on the bed only to wake with a headache. Falling back to sleep, I've woken up feeling fine again. I'm just really sore in the neck. Hopefully, that never happens again or I wont be getting either a massage or ear clean ever again.

17/03/2026

My neck is bad. The masseuse Ny (pic in previous post) has damaged me. I woke up ok, but now have a lot of pain running from behind my left ear down through my sholder blade. Fingers crossed this resolves itself.

DaNang beach really is a lovely spot. The breeze sweeps in from the ocean and provides welcome relief to the heat in a city of 1.3million people.

On the beach you find groups of young white women, all thinking they have found Nirvana. Old enough to be my daughters, it's amazing how so many young people from the west travel and come to DaNang. Everyone one else is either middle age or retired age. There are a lot of older couples who I assume are here on holidays.

On Tinder, Ksenia a hot 50 yo Russian MILF had matched. "Are you local, a traveller or both?" I txt. She responded "A traveller until I came to the wonderful paradise of DaNang."

Ok, well you sound boring, and probably too positive for my liking! Sure this is a lovely place, but apart from drink yourself stupid, eat until you can't, sunbake until you're crispy, and have your body rubbed until it collapses; what else is there to really do here?

I have already fallen into the Danang way of life. You start the day with a coffee and then hop from cafe to cafe untill most of the day has gone. Then you ask yourself "what will I do today?" It's novel, and it's enjoyable, but is this really a for-filling long term way to live?

However, I'm not sure yet if it is really any different for the locals. Grok tells me there is a large manufacturing industry here with a focus on electronics, textiles, rubber processing, and ship building. All places I am yet to investigate.

But what I do know is that during the day, the housing streets of DaNang become deserted, and I wonder if these industrial manufacturing places are where everyone goes?

Every day, early in the morning and late in the afternoon they are full again. People gather in the streets or sit outside their homes where they sit, smoke, and drink coffee/tea for hours. Many will wave as you pass by with a "sing chow." It makes you think that the Vietnamese are so more people focused rather than being materialy focused.

The restaurants along Danang beach promenade are totally insane. You can get a real fillet steak here for $VND2500000 ($AUD136) or a lobster for $VND4000000 ($AUD215). And whilst I think to.myself WTF, it's cheaper to eat this type of food at the Rocks in Sydney, and why would you bother? To my amazement the places are absolutely packed.

These are the first restaurants I've come across where instead of the girls outside trying to lure you in, they tell you "So sorry sir, we full. Please come back."

There is so much skin on the beach that in my 3 hours here, it has become meaningless. Maybe that's what happens at a nudist beach? Another adventure I must try. I'm not sure why but I just can't connect with what's going on here, but I can't.

Automatically my brain response to anyone white, half naked and not lean is to classify them as a western nightmare to be avoided at all cost. It's just a pity I like ass so much...

As I people watch the beach, I started wondering if these people are lost? Maybe I am the one lost and I'm simply projecting. It's been my strong belief for some time that working is completely meaningless and no way to live life. It's just something designed just to keep people busy and not question things.

But as I sit and watch, I'm becoming more and more convinced doing nothing and lying on the beach as you are served another Martini, is not living either.